We are 24 hours away from the end of voting for the 2011 Philebrity Awards. Five worthy nonprofits are nominated, but it's been a two-horse race for most of the voting period. The Food Trust (polite applause) has held solid at 40% of the votes, while we, the Bicycle Coalition of Greater Philadelphia (thunderous applause!) has maintained roughly 30% of the voting.
Why is 70% of the vote going to these two organizations? Because Philebrity is giving its hipster readership an impossible choice: foodies vs. fixies.
To help sort this out, we spoke to two people who know nothing about hipsters but do enjoy sharing opinions: Statler and Waldorf. Here is a transcript of the conversation:
BCGP: So we think we should win the Philebrity Award for Non-Profit of the Year.
Statler: What's a Philebrity?
Waldorf: Sounds like a celebrity with a lisp!
BCGP: We've done great work this year! We fought City Council to keep bike lanes going in. We've helped get green bike lanes built--
Statler: Why green bike lanes?
Waldorf: What about all the other colors of bicycles? Where do they get to ride?
BCGP: Everybody gets to ride in green bike lanes. But that's not all we've done. We got the bicycle corral installed next to the Chipole on Walnut Street.
Statler: There you go again! A street only for walnuts!
Waldorf: I saw a talking walnut the other day.
Statler: What did he sound like?
Waldorf: He was nutty!
BCGP: That was terrible.
Statler: You know who's terrible? You guys!
BCGP: What! Why are we terrible?
Waldorf: You came in second to PAWS in the Philebrity awards in 2009.
Statler: You came in second to The Notebook in the Open Data Race this summer.
Waldorf: You're coming in second right now to The Food Trust.
Statler: You're like the Phil Mickelson of Philly non-profits!
BCGP: That's a weird joke.
Waldorf: Who is Phil Mickelson?
Statler: He looks like this!
BCGP: Whoa - how did you embed a link with your voice?
Statler: Because we're Muppets!
BCGP: Fine, but seriously. Second place isn't terrible.
Statler: Do you know what they call second place?
Waldorf: First among the losers!
BCGP: We thought that talking to you might help us win some votes with Philebrity's younger, hipster demographic.
Waldorf: We're extremely popular among the hipsters!
BCGP: Is that so?
Statler: That's right! I've had three hips replaced myself!
BCGP: Will you two at least vote for us?
Waldorf: I have a better idea. Let's take a vote right now. All in favor of ending this blog post?
Waldorf: That's a majority! Second place again!